Skin and Bones

Hey guys

Sorry I've been so m.i.a lately. Just going thru a tough time :/
How r u all?

helllo girlies

im still bed ridden..and it sucks. i was hoping more ppl would stop by and visit..but not so much. sabrina and mark came and saw me while i was still in the hospital...along w my family and father. and so far just family and sabrina and mark have bother to come see me. also got alot of txt and myspace/facebook get wells to which was sorta nice lol

i lost 6lbs so far this week =) go me. hahaha
i think i might take another week off from work idk

my father wants to take me out to dinner or a movie tonight..to bad i cnt go anywhere. hahaha

ugh girls come keep me compnay< 3love you all

im getting surgery on my throat today.

no solid foods for atleast a week. yay forced fast =)<3 haha

Hi loves
I'm on break from work... There a band playing in the middle of the mall hahaha
Anyways how is everyone?
I spent all morning emailing relators about viewing 10000000 Apartments. As soon as I find one I'm gone and never turning back. I cnt wait to get every from all the shot that surrounds me here. A new beautiul life with new people and old friends that kept happiness a reality now. Sabrina is gna help me decorate haaha oh holy hell! Hahaha
I'm sleeping at brianas place tonight I'm excited



Ttyl love u all!!!!

yaaaaaaaaaay!
sabrina has the layout done for my dress =) im so excited. she wont tell me what it is she rather show me so im going over today to see it and get the measurments and all that=)

ill post pictures as soon as its done!

haha i just typed this huge post using my phone an d hit the backspace bar once to delete a word..ended up deleteing the entire thing. haha fml. so i switched to the computer.

seeing as how pretty much everyone who reads this journal is from the Proana community, your all aware of the things ive been going through lately and the problems that seem to be behind veery turn lately. haha. Im so glad that community exisit, i never actually post on this journal, i only post on the community..pretty much everyday. haha im so glad i have people there who actually give a fuck. and thank you to those who actually pay attentiopn to this love you guys :}!
well im sure youve read my most recent posting on the community..and read about the litttle shitty occurence that recently happened in regards to a certain person. how shitty is that. Im glad ive gone through this all though, regardless its been years now, im glad it happened. it made me realize a lot. especailly about people and friendships and how to pick a genuine one over one that is just pure bullshit. i fuckign hate liars and users and im done with the bunch of em :]!!

anyways, on to the happy things. Idk if you all caught my post to P. A the other day, but i figured id fill you all in on here.

SO lets start off with some very good news. as most of you known, i dug myself into a hole i was sure i wasnt gna get out months ago. (another thing, i help that person when they were in the hole they dug themselves..to bad they werent there when i needed them) anyways, i believe ive finally found a ladder and climbed my way out :]! it feels great to break free and enjoy life with some truely amazing people.
lets begin with thursdya :}!
ive been getting texts lately from people who actually wanna spend time with me and hangout ..before i ignored them. but recently ive been jumping back into friendships i pushed aside and realized, how great those people are and how lucky i am to have sucha great friend.
so brit invited us all over, and by us i mean mark cyle myself max and jimmy my buds :]! she got a new apartment in alston. i had a freaking blast. i hadnt been out in so long, months maybe, and it gelt good to just be around good people for once. my socializing skills emerged, and i meet a lot of new people and made soem news friends :]! max and i played drunk jenga, brit ashley and i danced to fall out boy i believe? and i brought my camera to capture every second. maybe if i get aroudn to it illpost the pictures for you all to enjoy :]! there great hahah mark gooch and i walked around the town and got a bit to eat i swear being bets friends with guys really opens your eyes to some interesting conversations hahaha
then came friday :]!
i had someone cover my shift at work haha shh!! mark and i went out to dinner with my daddy hes finally getting over the break up and getting back to himself again :]! he had some exciting news for me and i wish i coudl share it but i cant just yet :] however when the time comes ill make sure to fill you all in, and hopefully it does becasue its quite the money flowing surprise if i do say so myself, keep your fingers crossed for us!!
anywho we saw adam and larissa there and they invited us to this kid scouts for a party. i got msyelf some twsited raspberry teas and went with mark i had a fucking blast! my friend jeese is quite possibly the funniest guy ever. hahaha i dont even remeber the last time i laughed that hard. it was amazing seeing all my old buds again, i was surprised to hear all the "ive missed you so much!" form everyone. not to toot my own horn, but it feels good that people actually WANT me to come around. anyways sarah and i played the scouts dog all night ahaha it was great we all also had a huge talk on the mboie gran torino if you havent seen it, you must asap!
saturday was great as well!
mark and i went to tony jrs july 4th party we went for cig walks with corey and melissa in the woods of gerogetown and found frogs and snakes :]! my cusin set of the greatest fireworks i recorded them on my phone maybe i can get them up here for you all to enjoy too. so anyways bix texted us and invited us to coreys party. we got a bottle of vodak and mixies and went it was so much fun there were so many people! we play ruit outside and had the whole party on harbor st in salem! some kid had a really nice system in his car and he was blasting beautiful tunes all night nothign better then dancing in the streets!! haha after we went to ray were i played with his amercian bulldog, alaska haha hes so cute!!
ooo sunday!
my towns fireowkrs got postponed to today..as you all know i was ditched and lied to. but naywho. we had a party at my house. i went swimming and relax with my favorite people. after i got all shwoered and ready and went to the fireowrks... the fireworks themselves sucked but it didnt make a difference,i was surround by my favorite people.we hung out with everyone afterwards, as always. haha
then monday!
mark and i went to the wretham outlets! i had a friggen blast! i bought the greatest outfits, perfect for the fashion blog :]!!! nothing greater than shopping, being out in the sun, enjoying the weather and enjoying a nice filter! hahaa smoking, so gross i know but im hooked haha so shut it. we went to bixs apartment afterwards. fyi, beautiful apartment im so jealous! anyways megan matt and garrett taught me to play mario race cart (?) on wii? hahaha so much fun! i friggen sucked but it was fuin regardless. sarah and i had lovely glasses off red wine btw. i fucking love sarah. shes the fucking best. we both agreed on the fact that we both loved hangingout so much again! her and bix are like the perfect couple. literally. they r a perfect match. sarah and i got drunk ahaha and played with ehr geeko. then her and bix taught mark and i how to play darts..which quicjly became my favorite game, after hitting the wall straight on a couple times haha. sarha and i played darts till 3am and i loved ebery second of it! we drank wine and twisted teas, danced to rancid and a day to remember and jus ttalked about a bunch of stuff. it was good to have a good friend back in my life. haha sarah mark and i did a 3 person rotation, wtih 2 cigs outside haha idk why, but our drunk asses thought it was a fucking riot. hahahaha anyways, the night was beautiful!!


so that was my perfect weekend :]! oh and i took work off sunday toohahaha owell.

lets talk about some other exciting news, as some of u may alreayd know from my post to PA but others might of missed it so here!

1. i got the presidential scholarship at my college :]! one step closer to becoming a nurse
2. i opened a savings account and have perfect credit :]! i aslo have 3 grand to my name! hahaha yay for saving!
3. i have so many apartment viewings set up. briana and i have been hanging out and looking for places. i cant wait ot move out and forget certain indiviudals and start a new amazing chapter of my life. i cant wait to have parties and enjoy my home with the people that matter!
4. i have enough to buy the pup i wanted :}!!! finally!!! im going with sarah to get her kitten, so shell be doing the same for my pup!!!
5. im buying myself a new car very soon and im fucking pumped!
6. my boyfriend in perfect perfect perfect.
7. i finallly finsihed the fashion blog layout. its fucking GORGEOUS. thanks to mark of course. haha ive been getting my pieces together and ive already gotten the photographs i need for my first 3 post. i cant wait i have it all planned out. wish me luck ladies<3


im finally happy, content and loving life.
thank you all for everyhting, for anyways listening, and never turning your back.

xoxoxoxoxox for infinity!!!

My best friend deserted me. I'm worthless to everyone I give and give and get shot in return.




I'm done.

I've been gone for a while. Long story.




I got the worst news today. How do we live in a world like this.

This may not b appropriate question but if u take lax how many do u take at one time?

i rather be dead.

i just wanted to say i love my boyfriend so fucking much. Hes my world. the end.

Hi loves!!!
Good news I lost 2 pounds in 2days!!!wooo!!! Very proud of myself I'm home it's rainig I got a new book by the calorie king a allkinds of food and their nutritional value I'm feeling good..and one got any ups feel free to gil me in haha e

good evening my loves :]!!

Today was a good day.

I started my new diet. and surprisngly enough, it went extremely well!! I apprantly have a kidney infection?, just my luck huh, so my mom wouldnt let me go to the gym. HOWEVER i stumbled upon two fantastically amazing weight loss helpers.

1) Wii Fit

BEST FRIGGEN THING MY MOM EVER BOUGHT. i didnt even have to go to the gym, i did about 2 hours on that thing. It weighted me, told me my BMI, let me set a goal and how long i want to reach it it keeps a calendar and keeps trakc of everythign u do and lose.
its absolutly convient, i recommend it to everyone!!

2) Celsius Green Tea Peach Mango Drink

According to the can, one of these bad boys can make you BURN 100 CALORIES. yes, you read this right, it actually makes you LOSE. It apprantly raises the metabolism over a 3 hour period of time, generates increased energy alertness and focus. And when combined with exercise, youll expierenced loss of fat mass, gain of muscle mass and increased endurance. WHo knows if it actually works, but ill try anything. hahaha


so good luck to all of you girls<3 love u all!



peace and love always <3

I feel so fucking fat. I hate my life.

Someone please crack this disgusting shell that I call my body And save me from myself.






















Disgusted.

Hello beuties!!!
Things are alittle better I bought new clothes/makeup aka my attempt at improving my cofidence. Also I'm going back to the gym tomorrw so that's a plus. My best friend sammy text me the other night.. Made my day. I'm helping her move out on Tuesday. I got a scholarship from a christian school 16,000 a year for 4 years it's my second scholarship idk how I feel about Christian school bit it gives me hope that I can succeed I'm something.


I love and pray for u all

hi everyone..if there is anyone even carting this is posted.


im at the end of my ropes.

i havnet been this depressed in god only knows how long. thank god i still have this thing, theres noone left for me to rant to.

I dont know what id do without my boyfriend Mark. He is my everything.
He is the physical matter that keeps me waking up every day. I couldnt love him more any more. its impossible. He listens, but i feel like he dosent understand. and he cant becasue he hasnt walked in my shoes.

Do you know what its like to wake up every day and wish you hadnt?

I do.


life would be so easier unlived.

i want to float away and forget everything.

someone, take me away.

i need to wrap myself in the weight lose again. its the only thing i can control anymore.

i didnt get into the nursing porgram i wanted.
my friends are no existant.
my family is a horrid mess.
i have 2 tumors in my throat..surgery april 20th.


i cant wait to move out.. i will be able to starve forever.
looks like im moving out to live alone..im alone as is anyways.
live alone die alone. nothing better.

my mother told me she wishes i was never born..dont we all.


someone reach out..casue im screaming and noone hears me.

i sit here and i think to myself.. what the fuck is wrong with me.
why is happiness a non achieveable goal for me?
why do friends disappear?
whatever happened to friends forever?!

someone give me the strenght to lose.
weight lose is all i got.

lose lose lose.
till nothing at all is left.






















When All Else Fails,
I Will Be Washed Away.

banana_90

since me and my former bestfriend started talking again, i couldnt wait to begin a new friendship with her and start on a clean slate. we both suffer from eating disorders and she was almost my greates support and life line. she wasnt my best friend but my sister. stupid reasons invovling extremely stupid people ended our bond which basically broke my heart. no joke i lost a huge part of life. since we started talking again weve only hungout like once. we recently started talking about our weight loss/goals and decided well help eachother reach them. were gna motivate eachother to get to the gym and accomplish our goals. basically this made my day. hopefully evenutally ill get back my sister. we were known as the grusome twosome. i miss having someone who basically coulfd read my mind and know exactly how i felt. her family was more involved in my life then my own family. gahhhh i hate people and how they ruin everything. i want my twin back. has anyone else ever had this happen?

well boyfriend r by far the biggest pains in the ass. i love andy everyone knows that but he can be the biggest asshole sometimes. he constantly wants to weigh me and wants me to eat. and thats understandable. but yesterday i hadnt eaten i think all day so he was forcing me to eat something i sat on the kitchen floor crying tryong to find something and he was just storming around treating me like shit. im like im doing something for u and this is how i get paid back? he apologized the i was like honestly what sacrfices have u ever made for me? like seriously done something that you couldnt do but managed through if to please me?...and of course he couldnt think of anything.


sometimes i just want to be invisible and left alone.